May 6, 2008
So I thought it was about time for me to get a new bed. You know how it is—bad breakup, out with the old—and in this case, I kicked both the guy and the lousy bed to the curb. Then I got to thinking, I should probably get a new bed, but where to start? So many beds, so little time.Wait, that’s the wrong quote, but you get my drift. I knew that what I wanted were some of the same qualities I had in my old bed, minus the essence of the old flame. So I had my work cut out for me. Do you realize how many types of beds there are? Twins, extra-long twins, full, queen, kings, California kings (whatever the heck those are). And just as many mattress toppers, fillers and coverings to drive me batty (bats don’t sleep in beds, do they?).
As I someday hoped to share my bed with someone else, I knew I wanted a queen or a king. I think there is very little difference in size between the two, but a king sounds so much better, doesn’t it?
And then there are your bunk beds. Do you remember that great scene from Tom Hanks’s movie Big? Where Tom Hanks brings Elizabeth Perkins back to his swanky loft for a “sleepover,” and he says, OK, but I get to be on top? I fell in love with Tom Hanks then (and then back out of love with him in the DaVinci Code).
Anyway, I always wanted to be the person who had the bunk beds. Like Tom Hanks, I would always get the top bunk (although for some reason, people say it’s better to have the bottom bunk—please clue me in about that.
I think the percentages of bed owners in America goes something like this: 5 percent of people have bunk beds, but nearly 100 percent of people WANT them. Especially if Tom Hanks, pre- DaVinci Code movie—comes along with them. But I digress.
Then there are those adjustable beds, the astronaut beds, and the ones that you have to dial a number to sleep on. I still don’t get those at all.
It’s enough to make a semi-broken-hearted girl dizzy. With all those beds, then there are different permutations and combinations thereof ( I know, I promised there wouldn’t be any math). Did I mention canopy beds? I was insanely jealous of my best friend Lisa for having a canopy bed. And then, what’s up with those beds you see in the furniture showrooms that you need a little ladder to climb onto? Am I the only one that doesn’t get that?
Let’s see, water beds, foam mattresses, feather mattresses, beds stuffed with Brad Pitt’s chest hair—OK, I made that last one up, but wouldn’t that be cool?
Wow, the more I think about it, the better those bunk beds are looking right about now. Tom Hanks, I’m looking at you—and this time, I get the top bunk.